


In Your Arms, I'm Safe

by Pyreof_Books



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil Week 2018, M/M, Soft Boys, mental health, there's not a lot to this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 09:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15167489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreof_Books/pseuds/Pyreof_Books
Summary: Neil is not fineAndreil Week 2018 Day Four





	In Your Arms, I'm Safe

Betsy Dobson had been a psychiatrist for many, many years. The cases she had handled were diverse, organized in her filing cabinet alphabetically and sealed away. Working with the Foxes was a job she took seriously, with confidentiality and professionalism. That being said, she loved them all very dearly.   
The time she had with them was used to build trust among them, some opening up more easily than others. She was proud of all of them for coming together despite their harsh backgrounds; and their ability to mesh as a team. Though, she knew she couldn’t take credit for that, as Wymack and Dan had worked in tandem for years to get them on track, and then Neil Josten came along to solidify their friendships.   
In the year that followed this first meeting, much had changed about Neil, but every semester they took their appointed seats and Neil would talk about exy and Bee would listen.  
Today, Betsy had sat in her chair face Neil on the couch, watching as he took in the room with the kind of assessment a robber would case a bank with. Window, door, chairs, distance. He was ready for flight. Bee was no threat, but Neil didn’t know that, not yet. In their initial meetings Bee found him to be kind, collected, and afraid. She hoped this would be different.   
***  
“So, Neil, what brings you to our appointment today?” Bee asked from the comfortable looking chair across from him. Neil sat on the couch, his hands between his knees and eyes straight ahead.   
He takes a moment to answer. Puts his hands together. Rests them on his thighs. Finally, he looks at Bee.  
“I’m not sure I trust you,” He begins. “I- I’ve been taught, from a very young age, that the things that have happened to me are not supposed to be shared. That a lot of people would get in trouble, or hurt. Your entire job is getting people to talk. So I don’t trust you.  
“However, Andrew does. And he knows all of my secrets. And the rest of the Foxes- my family- know enough,” Neil paused, looking around the room. Checking for exits and bugs and things he shouldn’t be worrying about. “They’ve been telling me to see you, so I came.” He finished, returning eye contact as Bee scribbled something. It was true, too. Matt had caught him falling asleep when they watched a movie in the early afternoon the other day, quietly suggesting he see Bee and standing sentry while he caught an hour’s sleep. Allison had told him the bags under his eyes made his cheekbones look too sunk in. Renee had asked if he had tried tea before bed. Neil knew he looked terrible. It just wasn’t easy to come here. To be vulnerable to a stranger. Even to be vulnerable around his team, which his sleep deprivation definitely did. So he came.   
“As I have told you, everything you say will remain confidential unless you are a harm to yourself or others, or it is revealed that others are harming you. I’m glad you trust your family enough to come here, but I’m not going to ask for your secrets if you don’t trust me,” Bee crossed her legs and leaned back a touch. “You only have to share what you want to. If there is something specific you need help with, or-”  
“Sleep,” Neil butted in. “I can’t sleep. And I get panic attacks. Can’t breathe, or move.”  
“Okay, Neil. Let’s unpack that,” For the next hour, Bee and Neil talked. Mostly Bee, explaining things to Neil; like what could be done to cope with panic attacks, how he can relax before sleeping, what to do if he had a nightmare, and so on. When Neil left, he was more exhausted than he could have imagined. He drove Andrew’s car back to the tower, went to his room, and collapsed in a bean bag next to Kevin, Nicky, and Andrew. No one said anything to him, possibly under duress.   
He didn’t really watch the video game Nicky and Andrew played, some sort of zombie shooting game, nor did he try to butt in to the exy game Kevin had queued up on his laptop. His eyes drifted around the room, not catching on anything or anyone, sparing a few extra seconds on Andrew. He was so, so tired.   
Eventually, he wasn’t sure when, Andrew kicked Nicky and Kevin out, wordlessly shutting the game down over Nicky’s complaints and pointing to the door after snapping Kevin’s laptop shut. They complied with a few glances at Neil and half smiles.   
Andrew stood while watching them go, following them out to close and lock the door behind them. He glanced at Neil, a tiny, almost imperceptible frown on his face, before he went to the freezer to grab ice cream. Cookie dough with brownie chunks. Sugar, with added sugar. He sat on the floor next to Neil, pulling out his phone to scroll through some social media nonsense he didn’t care about- his other phone had broken after a disastrous ‘fall’ off the roof- and thrust and ice cube into Neil’s hand, which he held over his lap while it melted. He barely felt the cold. Through a mouthful of ice cream, Andrew spoke.   
“You’re not fine,” Andrew fixed on him, hazel eyes to blue. “You haven't slept all week, and you had a panic attack this morning because Abby hugged you and for a second you thought it was our mother going to hit you. You are not fine.” She had looked so hurt after that, apologizing profusely. Neil choked out an ‘I’m fine’ and smiled her away.   
Neil nodded his head slowly to his words, pulling his now damp hand up to his hair and mussing the red locks. He thought about his words.  
“It’s hard to trust Bee, for me. My mother… she engrained these things into me. But being with you,” Neil’s eyes pierced Andrew now, more clarity in them than there had been in days. “I know she was wrong, and that Bee can help. That if you can trust her, so can I.” He gave a small smile to him, reaching his hand out silently, cautiously enough for Andrew to pull away, and laced their hands together. “I want to sleep without her voice, without the basement, so I can wake up peacefully next to you instead of gasping in bed alone.”  
It had taken a year to get to this point, where Neil could think to voice sappy thoughts at Andrew without him leaving the room. Usually, he would just brush off the comments. But for a moment, Neil thought he felt his hand tighten, and that was enough.  
It had also taken a year for him to go see Bee, but that couldn’t be rushed.  
“Talking to her… it just made me more tired. I-” Neil looked at Andrew, from the soft blond hair to the blank, oddly comforting expression, trying to gauge how he would react to his request. He was still eating the ice cream, the spoon dangling out of his mouth distractingly. “Hold me while I sleep. Yes or no?” Neil blurted out, unwilling to talk about his experience with Bee further or explain why having Andrew there would comfort him, as it would probably make Andrew say ‘no’ if he got too mushy.   
“Are you going to see Bee again?” Andrew asked, no emotion escaping his face. He didn’t say no.  
Neil nodded. “Next week. Between classes.” It was the only time he could spare. He thought about asking for Saturday again, but he already kept the boys here this weekend and they might want to go to Edens.  
“Yes,” Andrew stood, the empty ice cream pint set aside as he tugged Neil up with him by his hands.  
Andrew and Neil both slipped into comfy sweats and T-shirts, Andrew grabbing a book and his glasses as well. He threw his pillow onto Neil’s bunk on the side by the wall and climbed in.  
“You can lay here,” Andrew said, gesturing to a sliver beside him and half of his body. “It’s a yes.”  
Neil laid beside him, folding one arm against himself and the other coming around Andrew. He put his head on his chest, close enough to his heart that he could hear its comforting thud thud thud against his ear. Andrew put his arm around Neil’s shoulders, letting his hand pet his hair while he propped his book open with his other.  
Andrew’s shirt was cottony, soft against the scars on Neil’s face, and warm. Neil was completely on his side, half mushed into Andrew, one of his legs lightly pressed against his. And he was tired. The weight of his eyelids was like the inevitable fall of an executioner's blade. The dread he experienced his past week on his failed attempts at sleeping was at bay, though, and he closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of Andrew in his sheets. He was so safe here, the metal in Andrew’s armbands a comfort, not a curse.   
He mumbled a ‘thank you’ into Andrew’s chest and started to drift off. Neil hoped he knew it was for more than the sleep; encouraging him to see Bee, staying up with him when the nightmares were so bad the sleeping faces in the room looked like corpses, for the steady hand on the back of his neck, anchoring him to his own body sometimes.  
And as he drifted off, he felt Andrew shift to press a kiss to the top of his head, a silent you’re welcome. Neil smiled, and slept peacefully for the first night this week, dreading the moment he would have to wake up and move.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried, guys. I found this prompt a lot harder to fill, but here it is.


End file.
